Making Space for Grief
Making Space for Grief
In our visits to congregations in transitions recently, people have talked and shared ideas about addressing communal grief. Grief is a part of transitions because loss is part of change: even if something new and wonderful is beginning, or will begin, something has been lost.
At one parish, council leaders talked about offering meeting times to name losses and grief, as well as hopes for the future. For Dwelling in the Word at gatherings to share communal grief, consider Numbers 11:4-6, 10-16, 24-29. In this text, the people of God grieve the loss of certainty and comfort as they wander in the wilderness; Moses addresses God with anger and honesty on the behalf of himself and the people; and God does a new thing, which is both wonderful and unsettling.
Early in the pandemic, I used a tool called padlet to create a Wall of Lament for students, faculty and staff at Luther College. This creates an online space for people to anonymously share their feelings of grief and loss. Particularly because it is anonymous, talk together before creating the space about how you are going to moderate it, and make your expectations for what’s appropriate clear as you share it in your community.
If the transition you are going through is a pastoral transition, plan to use some version of Thanksgiving at the Conclusion of a Call. A version of this service is available on the synod website along with other resources for congregations in transition. Announce well ahead of time that you will be marking this transition and last day in a special way, and invite people to take part--similar to the preparations you made for your pastor’s installation. While your pastor leaving or retiring doesn’t have the same finality as a death, it is definitely an ending, and they will no longer be your pastor. A clear ritual marking the end of that pastoral relationship helps with the grief that accompanies this change.
Even if you haven’t been in the midst of transition in your community, you may be experiencing communal loss and grief. Group conversations, spaces for expression and ritual are all good ideas for congregations looking to give voice to lament and grief. A seasonal resource to start planning for now is Longest Night, often held on or around December 20. Liturgies for longest night are available through Sundays and Seasons or from the ELCA faith formation team (scroll down to BLUE Christmas.)
When we are unaware of our grief, and don’t or can’t name it for what it is, it often comes out sideways. If we jump to the joy and possibility of the resurrection and all the new and wonderful ministry possibilities that are coming, without acknowledging the death and loss of what’s come before, grief comes out sideways. Joining our voices with the psalmists in lament, we make space for grief. It doesn’t magically take the grief away, but it does allow us to live alongside the grief, name it, and understand a bit better what’s going on.
Let us pray: Gracious God, you are doing a new thing! We are glad for it, and we also miss and mourn what we’ve lost. Give us spaces to be real with each other and with you. Give us ways to express what we’re feeling. Especially for congregations and pastors parting ways, give good good-byes, gratitude for what’s been, and hope for what’s next. Give us courage and your vision of the bigger picture, as we trust and hope in you and your son, Jesus Christ, in whose name we pray, Amen!
Bishop Anne Edison-Albright
